We’re taught from a young age that the goal in life is to be independent. We start out as babies, dependant for everything, then we develop into young adults, and we soar into independence, and then we age, and we are dependant yet again.

 

But what happens if something goes wrong? Like you get “stuck” somewhere or you lose your independence early?

 

I used to be independent. I used to have a job and provide for myself and my pets and go on the bus to the grocery store and hang out at caribou for hours, just me, just because I could.

 

Then I got sick with a lot of illnesses, and I couldn’t work anymore. I couldn’t keep up my apartment. Now I even have PCAs that do my housework for me. The government pays money for me to survive.

 

Being in need is such a vulnerable spot. You have to trust people to help you, and you have to take the energy to stand up for yourself when they don’t do it right.

 

Lately I’ve been having trouble with the people helping me, and I think, they must not know what it feels like to be in such a vulnerable position, and to have the triggers I have, or they wouldn’t do the things they do. It’s such a lonely feeling to be surrounded by people who aren’t trying to understand and don’t seem to care.

 

And I’m so exhausted. Too exhausted to keep teaching them. Too exhausted to explain myself again and again. Too exhausted to open up and trust, just to be dashed against the rocks.

 

So if there’s someone you see who needs help, please help them, and try to imagine what it is like to be them. A little empathy is incredibly healing.