After 80 weeks of group, diary cards, homework, and unbelievably hard work, I finished my DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) program! We had a little party tonight in group for me and another member who graduated. 

I can’t believe I’m done– it’s been part of my life for so long. Thankfully I’ll still see my therapist one-on-one. 

…because graduating doesn’t mean I finally have it all figured out. I had secretly hoped that by this time I would have mastered the four pillars of DBT, Mindfulness, Emotional Regulation, Interpersonal Effectiveness, and Distress Tolerance. I hoped that I’d not be bothered by things I don’t understand in relationships, that I wouldn’t need people by now, that I wouldn’t feel as much. 

My feelings are like sky scrapers and submarine expeditions, although now they are a little less high and a little less low. 

I cry about relationships,  and I feel loss multiple times per week,  but I’m less obsessive; I can let people go without my mind spinning out of control anymore. 

I think very black and white, and I don’t always understand social cues, but now there are droplets of colors, I know that a lot of times there can be more than one point of view, and I know that not all relationship problems have been my fault. 

When I had my first DBT sessions, I felt I had to warn my therapist I didn’t think this therapy would work; I’d tried so many things before, and this was like a last resort. 

Transformations come slowly, dripping new paths into rock-hard patterns. I’m not cured,  but I’m better. I’m not done, and I can still change. I’m glad God didn’t let me give up in this journey, and more importantly, that he’s not giving up on me like I have so many times.