Is it SCARY to have a friend with Borderline? I don’t know– ask yourselves or my other friends  

Is it scary to HAVE Borderline? That I know. Yes. It’s scary almost all the time. The foundation BPD is built on its the fear of abandonment. Since you could probably say I’m paranoid about that, I’m looking for signs of it all the time. Someone snaps at me, even though I can see it’s from stress, and I think,  “This person must never have liked me. I better keep my distance.” Someone stops hanging out with me like we used to. “I guess I wasn’t good enough for her. I’m not loveable.” A friend doesn’t text back for two days; I think, “It’s starting– she’s going to leave me soon.”

I’m not saying this to make everyone walk on pins and needles around me. But I want to explain this psychological pain and why it affects my behaviors sometimes. 

So let’s say a women is in childbirth. If she needs a drink, most women won’t calmly fold their hands, look you in the eye,  and say,  “Dearest, would you please bring me a glass of ice water?” She will probably call out, between gasps, “I need water… HURRRRRRYY!” We don’t think anything of that because the woman’s body is going through excruciating experiences. 

Did you know that emotional pain is processed nearby or in the same plane as physical pain? 

Often, I’m in excruciating psychological pain. It makes me not think straight. It makes me feel like I’m dying. It takes away my rational thinking. 

I’ve been through ALL the therapy to work on responding to this pain effectively and in a way that won’t push others away,  and I’m still in therapy. I’ve done CBT, DBT, EMDR, ERP, and more. 

But sometimes, when the pain gets so unbearable, I slip up.  I ask someone,  “Do you still like me?” Or, “Are you mad at me?” Or I say “I miss you” too many times. Or I ask if we can hang out too often, and all those things push people away. I know they do. I’ve pushed lots of people away. 

And sometimes when people haven’t understood why I make those mistakes, they leave. Or when they realize how different I am or that I take more energy as a friend,  they leave. 

But you’ll never find a more loyal, understanding, and passionate friend. So give us a chance. We’re not scary. We’re just people with desires, just like you.