In my introductory post I mention my love of lacrosse and involvement in the women’s Scotland teams. I grew up playing lacrosse from the age of 11. Originally put in goal but a change of school and I was able to move out field where I stayed for many years despite my poorly controlled asthma, my love of the game was not going to be stopped by asthma! As my health got worse and playing out field became harder I moved back to my original position of goalkeeper which was not as taxing on my chest. Despite managing to play for Scotland it was clear that my playing days were quickly coming to an end and they did finally end in 2016 after Home Internationals in England.

Giving up playing was not going to be the end of my involvement in lacrosse. My love of the game meant I had to find something else to do in the lacrosse world and I am so thankful that I have had some great opportunities some of which I have now decided to stop to focus my energy in other areas.

My coach knew that stopping playing lacrosse was not something I wanted to do so I was invited to join the team as an assistant manager. A role I have loved and been able to make my own, supporting the senior team in their prep for a World Cup, 4 Home Internationals and the European Championships this summer. The time now has come to stop this part of my role to focus on other areas. The time is right to step away. My health is not allowing me to do everything I want so I have been weighing everything up and this is the right thing to do.

It is not the end of it all. I will still be involved in the U19 Scotland Team in my capacity as a goalkeeping coach, which I love. I have been really fortunate to work with some great goalkeepers and getting them ready for the World Championships later this summer is really rewarding. It is a job that I can do no matter how I feel and I do not have any pressure on me. I think this is what makes me love working with the U19 team so much. No matter how I feel I can just get on and do as much as I can manage without feeling like I am letting anyone down.

The feeling of letting people down has been a big part of my lacrosse history and many times it has made me question why do I stay involved. I do all I can to control my health but that is often not enough. In team sports at a competitive level you need to be part of the team and carry your part, you cant coast and have your job spread out to other players who have their own jobs to do. I feel like I should not be part of the team when this happens and there is only so many times that team mates will be willing to carry you before it has a negative effect on the team. So finding a role that I can do and not feel like I am causing issue if I cannot continue or not fully participate.

For me much of my attitude to life is finding what you can do despite limitations. I love lacrosse and I have been able to find my role in the lacrosse world now that playing is no longer an option. I want others to know that health conditions may stop you doing some things you love but there is always a way to still be involved. I may be stepping down from being involved in the Scotland Senior Womens team but I am proud to still be goalkeeping coach for the U19 Women’s Scotland team, Loretto School lacrosse coach and Edinburgh University lacrosse coach as well as working with other schools to help them develop their lacrosse programs too.

Doors close but there are always others waiting to open which will give you just as much enjoyment and fulfilment to you life.