Having a list a mile long of mental health diagnoses takes so much time. I’ve been in therapy about 12 years, and honestly, I should have started long before that.

Depression tells me that I’m not good enough and that things are my fault. I’ve had therapy and Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation for that– hours and hours of sitting under a magnet hoping I’d see more light at the end, but I never did. Also, hundreds of appointments with a psychiatrist trying to figure out which meds will help me. We found some; one of them makes me gain weight and gets my hormones out of balance. It’s a doozy but what choice do I have?

Borderline Personality Disorder ruminates about EVERYTHING. It says my friends will leave me and reminds me of the ones who have already abandoned me. It tells me to hurt myself to get relief, which I’m very actively fighting against. It takes so much energy. I’ve done 2 rounds of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy to change this voice, and it helped immensely. It’s still there, though.

Anxiety and PTSD ask me when the other shoe will drop and what horrible thing will happen to me or someone I love next. Anxiety says I might say something stupid in my conversations and PTSD reminds me that I’m wounded.

This cacophony of mental illnesses I listen to everyday is the Orchestra in my head. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, yet I have gained so much empathy for people because I have this.

Image description: Cartoon illustration of a dialogue box. Shout out to everyone who is still committed to be an open hearted and kind person, even while having to process heavy things.