Sorry for the radio silence. It has been a long time since I wrote. Life has been very hard recently as I had a severe asthma attack that ended up with me on life support and my family called in. This was a pretty traumatic hospital admission which has left me with so many questions, mentally very fragile and physically weak including nerve damage which means I need to wear a splint on my leg and now walk with a stick.

I have lived with severe asthma for so long now I thought I knew all about it, the treatments and how to deal with attacks but I was never prepared for this. I mean I have spent years going in and out of intensive care and have had to be medevac’d from one hospital to another because I was so unwell however with all of these admissions I was able to bounce back and not have too many lasting effects.

This time is different.

I have the constant reminder with everything I do just how unwell I was. My veins and arteries are so scarred up from being used when I am unwell that the Dr’s really struggle to find them. It was no different this time they couldn’t get any access and had to cut down into my groin to visualise the artery to get central access. In the process of doing this a nerve was also cut. It was not done intentionally and due to everything being scarred it could not be helped.

I am so so grateful to the Dr’s that saved my life but mentally I am really having a hard time coping with it all because my leg is a constant reminder of what happened. The pain in my thigh is unreal but then I have no feeling below my knee. It is thought that the perineal nerve has been cut which has caused these problems.

I have been very fortunate to receive psychological input which is making a difference. The hospital I was in has a really good intensive care program where patients that have been on life support will be reviewed by a psychologist after to discuss what happened and speak about ways of coping after being on life support. For the first time I am thinking the input is making a difference as I can sit down to my laptop and write again without feeling useless and lacking concentration. I am enjoying just being alive and taking each day as it comes now.

What has happened has happened and there is nothing I can do about it. I can learn from it and it will make me stronger. I just need to take the time to heal myself, move on and grow stronger as a result.

Sorry for the radio silence. It has been a long time since I wrote. Life has been very hard recently as I had a severe asthma attack that ended up with me on life support and my family called in. This was a pretty traumatic hospital admission which has left me with so many questions, mentally very fragile and physically weak including nerve damage which means I need to wear a splint on my leg and now walk with a stick.

I have lived with severe asthma for so long now I thought I knew all about it, the treatments and how to deal with attacks but I was never prepared for this. I mean I have spent years going in and out of intensive care and have had to be medevac’d from one hospital to another because I was so unwell however with all of these admissions I was able to bounce back and not have too many lasting effects.

This time is different.

I have the constant reminder with everything I do just how unwell I was. My veins and arteries are so scarred up from being used when I am unwell that the Dr’s really struggle to find them. It was no different this time they couldn’t get any access and had to cut down into my groin to visualise the artery to get central access. In the process of doing this a nerve was also cut. It was not done intentionally and due to everything being scarred it could not be helped.

I am so so grateful to the Dr’s that saved my life but mentally I am really having a hard time coping with it all because my leg is a constant reminder of what happened. The pain in my thigh is unreal but then I have no feeling below my knee. It is thought that the perineal nerve has been cut which has caused these problems.

I have been very fortunate to receive psychological input which is making a difference. The hospital I was in has a really good intensive care program where patients that have been on life support will be reviewed by a psychologist after to discuss what happened and speak about ways of coping after being on life support. For the first time I am thinking the input is making a difference as I can sit down to my laptop and write again without feeling useless and lacking concentration. I am enjoying just being alive and taking each day as it comes now.

What has happened has happened and there is nothing I can do about it. I can learn from it and it will make me stronger. I just need to take the time to heal myself, move on and grow stronger as a result.