I wish you could have known me before.

I was the fastest speed walker I knew, trained from years of being the first student in the classroom. I had dreams that I really thought would come true–big, crazy dreams! I had a Barbie body for a while. I was so enthusiastic.

My eyes sparkled with magic in them.

It wasn’t all perfect– I had the mental illnesses and negative life circumstances and albinism– but it didn’t affect my physical self as much as things do now.

Now I walk slowly, my pills made me gain weight, I pant at the top of the stairs, I am getting a power wheelchair to ride at Big events like the State Fair or Mall of America. I even have to use a shower chair.

My eyes look tired and worn out.

Sometimes it’s humiliating to not be like I was before, and so young that no one expects it.

These edited stages of grief are so helpful.

Feel the emotional pain of my body changing.
Be angry that this is happening to me.
Tell myself I’m not doing anything wrong by getting help.
Accept the idea of doing some things differently.

And I think these can be helpful to lots of people! Eventually, everyone’s body will change if it hasn’t already. Get ready to feel, accept.