November 15th, 2019 — a day I will never forget and a day I never thought would actually come.
5:30am Wake up call for vital testing & my family coming in. Then it is just waiting until they are ready to come get you for surgery. I was still in some discomfort from my incision from my angiogram from the day before but my anxiety was getting the best of me. Just waiting in the room for someone to come in and say they are bringing you down was one of the longest hours of my life. Then they came.
They put me in a wheelchair and my family followed. Then came the time where your family has to stop and leave and you are left to go down to the OR floor. That moment was one of the saddest and scariest moments of my entire life, also one of which I will never ever forget. Handing my mom my glasses and saying goodbye to my family was truly an emotional drainer. I cry when I think about that moment. Your body is numb and your emotions are so haywired that I didnt know what to do. I was hysterical crying and once my glasses went off, I was blind as a bat! Then we went into an elevator went downstairs and I was on the OR floor. Just so you all know when you approach your operating room it is like nothing I could have imagined. I was sobbing at the moment and asked for them to give me a minute before I walked in (you walk yourself into the OR) I blew my nose from crying so much, gave myself a little pep talk, took a deep breathe and walked in.
When you walk into an operating room it is very daunting and I will be honest the OR I walked into for my lung surgery was nothing like what I walked into on November 15th. Walking into the room where my chest would be broken in half and my heart operated on is something I could not have even envisioned. I honestly wish I was already asleep at that moment, all truth & no lies here. I walked right up to the bed I was to lie on for the next 6 hours and laid down. I made a joke when I got in to the 8 people that were already prepping the room and got myself on the bed. If I could describe the room to you it has a huge screen next to the bed, tons of wires & machines, tons of IV bags, cabinets of machines & instruments and it was cold. Then as I tried to calm myself down, there was only so much I could do. My emotions got the best of me, my body was shaking out of anxiety and fear. I was introduced to my Anesthesiologist & his assistant and I told them one single thing “Make sure I wake up.” They assured me that was their job and they were there to do their job, I said ok & asked for some medicine to relax myself. My body would not stop shaking so I asked for something to calm me down and they said they would and that was the last thing I remember until I woke up many hours later.